Disclaimer: This post is written for the ladies who complain that their male partners don’t know how to please them in bed.
I finished a very unusual cunnilingus workshop at Good Vibrations in Brookline yesterday. It was the first (first!) one I’ve ever held that was more heavily attended by men than women. Yay!!! Such representation by the XY‘s brought me back to the feelings I had earlier in my career after finishing a book titled: “Men In Love” by Nancy Friday.
The men in our society really do want to be better. They want to please their partners, they want to be open to new suggestions. The thing that strikes me most is that when given information regarding how bodies function, how bodies are designed, and the sociological structures that impact their play partners, men seem to be quick to restructure their line of thinking to be more inclusive, accepting, and sex positive.
They get it when I explain that genitals don’t get “stretched out” no matter how many times we pull on them or put things inside of them. And they drop their old beliefs readily, just because someone took the time to give them the education the wanted. All it seems to take is someone willing to listen to their concerns, redirect their line of thinking, and provide them with factual information.
For many men, I understand it can be nerve wracking to show up at a sex workshop. To many of them, it represents a public signal that maybe they don’t know everything about sex. But really, should they? Heck, I still don’t know it all and I work full time studying and teaching about sexuality for a living.
Many men really, really, REALLY are interested in learning and becoming better partners. They just don’t know where to start. It reminds me of this Postsecret:
So instead of griping about how boys suck, let’s support them by facilitating their growth and development. Change your point of view and acknowledge that they are curious creatures who are eager to learn. With the right direction and proper feedback, they can be willing to see the errors in their logic and learn what turns you on.
Now if only the same could be true of the right-wing anti-sex crowd….
