Sexologist Megan Andelloux with plush vulva puppet.

Voice Vixen here, reporting on the Female Orgasm Seminar which took place this past Friday night. Content warning, the following does acknowledge the existence of sex and is textually NSFW.

6:45 So this thing hasn’t started yet and already Science Center C is a writing mass of hot bodies, packed front to back with Harvard Students who apparently want to know the ins and outs of the female orgasm. There is a table up front arrayed with various sex toys ranging from purple to pink to… pinker. I’ve picked up a raffle ticket, wish me luck!

6:46: A group of guys sitting behind me can’t seem to say the word clitoris without whispering. One of them says he hopes to hear about some “serious technique.” I suppress judgement, it seems clear that boys of Harvard could really use the help.

6:55 It IS SO LOUD IN HERE. It’s almost like every person in the room is having a really intelligibly vocal orgasm. Rabble rabble rabble!

A capture of Lingford’s stop motion animation.

6:00 Ruth Lingford (VES Professor, Department Head) has started talking about her videos interviewing people to describe their orgasms. Her film is a minimalist stop motion animation with voiceover’s of said descriptions. It is notably replete with phrases like “chocolate mousse”, “volcanic”, “like icing”, “I thought of broccoli”. All this food talk really makes me want a cupcake. Everyone laughs at a software update popup, but the video is otherwise really interesting and captivatingly animated.

7:05 I begin to tally the number of times people say “orgasm.”

7:08 I don’t know whether to be encouraged by the number of people in the room or really, really saddened by the balls-to-the-wall, people-standing-in-the-aisles attendance.

7:16 To describe the scene, on the table in the front is a VAST array of sex toys, apparently $1000 worth of swag. Apparently the Voice’s good blogging sista, Lena Chen of Sex and The Ivy, graciously supplied the sex toys to be given away. We love you Lena!

Note: The men here are definitely, the loudest, brashest people in the audience. Voice Vixen does not like. The sex educator/sexologist however, is extremely cool and sexy. Just sayin’. High waisted skirt, white blouse, librarian glasses. A Harvard gal might steal this look.

7:21 Surprisingly, the “orgasm” iteration count is only at 8 – I think we can do better than this.

7:22 So cute/gross, everyone in the audience just said ‘Pap Smears’ altogether, like a three-year old says “Good Morning Mr. Rogers!”

FML Celebrity Sighting! Gov20 Italian guy.

7:23: Highlight of the event: women referred to as “vaginal owners”, because not everyone who has a vagina identifies as female. Thank you! This is a vast improvement upon the utterly heteronormative seminars of yesteryear.

The sexologist lays it down for us, figuratively. Some great quotes:

“Everyone has an asshole, everyone has a mouth. Those are the great equalizers.”

In reference to always using lube for anal sex: “My job is to make sure you don’t rip your butthole.”

“This is one of my vulva puppets.”

“For the love of god masturbation is good for you.”

“There are no absolutes in human sexuality.”

HOLY CRAP COOL FACT: Greatest number of orgasms had by a woman in a sexual study: 134 in one hour. Everyone feels inadequate.

7:30 There is way too much hooting and hollering from the men in here. You dogs you.

MORE TECHNIQUE/HELPFUL FACTS:

• The average female orgasm takes: 10-20 min
• Imbibing anything over an ounce of alcohol decreases the ability to orgasm, but less than an ounce makes one a little more receptive.
• Working out helps you have better orgasms, as it improves the circulatory system.
• Direct clitoral stimulation is needed for most vaginal owners to get off. “Trying to orgasm without clitoral stimulation is like a man trying to orgasm without touching his penis.”
• Orgasm isn’t the goal, there’s other fun stuff (aka goal-focused sex, a no-no).
• Super Helpful Relaxation Tip: try to make the jaw muscles slack.
• Politics do not belong in the bedroom.

7:47 “Orgasm” count now way up to 49.

7:57 We’re about to watch a clip from “Viva La Vulva.” Oh, yes, you really should have come to this. So. many. vulvas. Everyone is rapt with attention though; half the guys in the room have their hands near their mouth or their chins. A woman with really, really strong PC muscles is displaying herself COMPLETELY. I can’t help but wonder how many Harvard boys have even seen this before, let alone projected 6 feet tall in a on a screen. Vaginal show and tell.

The sexologist mentioned genital shaving and every girl groaned.

8:12 We’ve moved onto the clitoris!

• Tip: If you “split the clitoris into four quadrants” the upper left is the most sensitive. Who knew?
• Fact: You cannot stretch out the vagina lips.
• Facts: If someone is physically responding to sex their outer lips will open up. the The clitoris is actually 4-6 inches long, the exposed part being just a tiny tip of it. Is it sad that this comes as incredible information to everyone in the audience?

8:22 We’re onto vibrators and toys:

• Fact: vibrators were created for the medical community, as a treatment for hysteria.
• Fact: You can’t “break” your vagina by using your vibrator too much.
• Butt lessons: make sure your anal toy has a flange (a wide part at the base of the toy that prevents it from being sucked up into your body). The image that accompanies this advice is horrifying.

8:41: final “orgasm” word count at 67.

Final Thoughts: While Voice Vixen did not snag a cupcake, she assumes they could only have been magnificent. In any case the talk was incredibly informative. It’s amazing how mis/uneducated individuals can be about their own bodies. Voice Vixen came away cringingly refreshed as did many of the others in attendance. If anything can be surmised from the incredibly participatory, enraptured, and VOCAL student responses, it’s that the event was an incredible success. Alas, we did not win a sex toy (there was a Hello Kitty vibrator… NOOOO!) but we definitely give kudos to The Radcliffe Union of Students for their work putting this together. Look forward to it next year, and get there EARLY because there wasn’t an empty seat in the house! Harvard kids might be sexually frustrated, but sh*t if they aren’t willing to educate themselves. The main advice of the night: Relax, be safe , learn more, read more, masturbate more, and remember to relax that jaw!

Overblown expectations may put needless stress on otherwise rewarding relationships.

The Valley Advocate
Thursday, December 03, 2009
By Amy Littlefield

If the frenzy over Viagra is any indication, Americans these days are wrapped up in thoughts of all the ways we can “fail” at having sex. But our focus on failure—added to our stressful lives and high expectations—may in fact be holding us back from a broader, more rewarding experience of sexuality.

Despite our society’s persistent fixation on the penis, erectile dysfunction is only one aspect of what some clinicians see as a growing gap between what we want and what we actually get out of sex.

Relationship and sleep therapist Dr. Siegfried Haug of Goshen sees evidence of that gap every day. The patients who come to his Connecticut office are often strung-out, sleep-deprived, and depressed. For the couples he counsels, sexual dysfunction forms one part of a larger deterioration in the way they treat each other. And while Haug draws his data from one extreme of the spectrum, his conclusions point to what he sees as a widespread trend: a growing sense of disappointment in sex, love, and reality.

“People seem to realize there’s a huge gap between what they thought sex is and what it [actually] is,” Haug told the Advocate. “There’s this huge level of disappointment. Sex doesn’t seem to do what it’s supposed to do.”

The Internet is one culprit, Haug says, since pornography leads people to fantasize about sex in ways that are unrealistic and even harmful. For young people especially, watching relationships develop on television (where people can fall in love in five minutes) skews reality.

“Relationships take longer, they are messier, [there are] consequences that [you] don’t see,” Haug says. Seeing characters in shows have orgasm on demand, for example, can set us up for frustration; when we can’t follow suit, we believe there is something wrong.

The growing gap between expectation and reality has led to “huge waves of disappointed, disenchanted young people,” says Haug. And while the root of the problem may be the tremendous pressure we place on sexuality—and on ourselves—people are more inclined to blame their partners than to reassess their own attitudes. Straight women often sit in his office, throw up their hands, and say they are “done with men,” while heterosexual men, Haug says, are “increasingly leery of women.”

*

Scientific evidence may seem to enforce the sense that women are disappointed with sex. Ten years ago, a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association found that 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men reported having experienced “some degree” of sexual dysfunction. But Providence, R.I.-based sex educator Megan Andelloux says that although it may be comforting for women to know that others also have trouble reaching orgasm or becoming aroused, the focus on dysfunction limits our ability to seek greater pleasure.

“I always think that there’s room for improvement, and room to play and explore,” says Andelloux. “When we call it dysfunction, we set people up for disaster, as opposed to saying they have the opportunity to grow.”

One issue for women, Andelloux says, is that heterosexual “sex” is still largely defined as penile-vaginal penetration. But what some clinicians label female sexual dysfunction may in fact be a preference for what we commonly call “foreplay.”

“Women have this belief still… [that] there’s something wrong because they are not [experiencing orgasm] during vaginal penetration,” says Andelloux, adding that we should “get rid of [the term] ‘foreplay’ and talk about that as sex. That’s how the majority of women tend to get off. It’s really reframing what we think of as sex.”

*

Northampton-based sex therapist Jassy Timberlake believes that the focus on “dysfunction” stems in part from the eagerness of pharmaceutical companies to promote Viagra and other medications that cause erections.

“Viagra was not the magic bullet that men hoped for,” Timberlake says. “It doesn’t give you desire, it just gives you an erection.” Viagra may help some men achieve erections, but when it comes to fostering desire, “I think that’s more about a conversation than it is about a pharmaceutical,” Timberlake says.

“It leaves the conversation out of the relationship, and that’s the thing that really concerns me,” adds Timberlake. “Sexuality is interpersonal and it requires two people as an erotic team, tackling whatever the issues are between them as a couple. It’s not just about a doctor and a prescription pad.”

Timberlake says she often sees couples who are disappointed that their lives don’t match what they’ve seen in pornography. “I think it’s important to stress changing expectations, and not taking medication,” says Timberlake.

*

At Oh My, a “sensuality shop” on Northampton’s Main Street, co-owner Carol Gesell and her colleagues are redefining sexual pleasure. Gesell notes that many factors affect sexual response—from the medication someone is taking to their blood pressure to their level of stress. But Gesell urges her customers toward a vision of sexuality that incorporates the whole body, including the brain.

“I don’t take them to the vibrators. I take them to the massage oil,” Gesell told the Advocate.

Gesell advises customers to remove computers and other distractions from the bedroom, to perform massages and kiss each other, and to take time to be “sensual,” not just sexual.

“If you devote time and energy to being a sensual being, it doesn’t matter if your penis works,” she says.

Despite his best efforts, some of Siegfried Haug’s patients still conclude that the stresses and strains of pleasing someone long-term just aren’t worth the effort. But when asked why he thinks some people choose to stay in lifelong partnerships, Haug has a practical and poetic explanation:

“We need data to stretch beyond selfishness to maturity,” says Haug. “My partner has the data….that is absolutely invaluable. No one can give you more information than the person you’ve lived with for 20 years. I think we have a longing and a need to grow.”

Anatomically Correct

Oh Megan Private Sexuality Workshops

You usually take things lying down, but you’re open to standing up (or, you know, whatever).

A private sexuality workshop with Megan Andelloux may be just what you’re after. During the two-hour at-home group session with up to fifteen of your closest friends, the certified sexuality educator and sexologist will teach you all about the hooha, the wee-wee, and the various Big Os.

Far more clinical than dumb sex toy parties, the workshops aren’t for the faint of heart. She brings vulva puppets, genital models, and diagrams — and explains exactly what’s what. She’ll also advise on her favorite products so nobody gets left high and dry.

No topic is off limits, since Andelloux’s out to demystify the birds and the bees.

A missionary position, if you will.

Megan Andelloux (401-345-8685 or ohmegan.com).

Published on Daily Candy Boston

The Berkeley Beacon

By Kelly Smith

Dildos, vibrators and strap-ons in every shade of pink titillated students while the distinct hum of plastic on tabletop mixed with the explosive giggles of the audience. At the front of the room was a spread of promiscuous products ranging from penis pumps to some kinky gizmos most people in the room didn’t know existed.

Megan Andelloux, a certified sexuality educator, licensed sexologist, foot fetish model and physical love guru, stood at the front of the room, plush vulva puppet in hand.

“There are some ground rules to this presentation,” she said. “Please put all cell phones on vibrate and place them between your legs. You can touch everything on the table, but please don’t put anything in your mouth.”

After this coital canon was set, she opened up questions to the audience. Students then secretly scribbled his or her most pressing inquiries on index cards to be answered throughout the program.

As a part of Condom Awareness Week 2009, the sex toy workshop which set out to promote fun, safe sex, was sponsored by the Class of 2011 Class Council and the Emerson Alliance of Gays, Lesbians and Everyone, a student organization which promotes the acceptance of queer culture throughout the Emerson community. At least 40 students gathered in the Bill Bordy April 13 to discuss singular sensations and alternate pleasures.

But this event was not about engaging in risky business. Rather, the topics discussed were about enjoying how much fun sex can be-even alone.

Andelloux said she promotes masturbation as a form of Sexually Transmitted Infection prevention. In response to those who dis dildos and other toys, she used a simple analogy.

“Toilets aren’t natural, but they make our lives better,” she said. “Masturbation is good for the mind and body. It’s the safest sex you are going to get.”

While the sexologist went down her  list of sex toys and coital gadgets, she also provided advice from a combination of medical and pleasure studies, as well as her own experiences.

“My deal is that I bridge the world between the medical community and the pleasurable community,” she said. “I marry the two together that usually turn their backs on each other.”

As far as favorites go, Andelloux said to each his or her own. Her plaything of preference, however, she said looks like a sneaker but feels like partner play.

“The Galan is not about aesthetics, it’s about how it functions. It’s even quiet in the shower,” she said.

But the demonstration wasn’t just a sales pitch. Andelloux explained the ins and outs of the sex toy industry providing examples of what materials to steer clear of in stores.

“Don’t let your toys screw you,” she said. “I like happy vaginas.”

There are two main products to avoid: Anal Ease, a numbing cream for anal play and vaginal tightening cream-both of which may cause damage to one’s private parts. If a store sells these products it is a tell tale sign to try another shop.

Prude and promiscuous Emersonians alike said they enjoyed the workshop for both its shock and educational value.

Freshman Pat Lambert was asked to model one of the strap-on dildos during one of the demonstrations. He said he loved to be a part of the workshop and was planning on buying some of the toys after the show.

“This woman was riveting. I have learned more here in one hour than I have in any of my classes at Emerson,” the political communication major said. “You never knew how open everyone was. It was like having a group orgy via talking. Or how cool your body is. I didn’t know my body could do this.”

Deborah Engler, coordinator for wellness education at the Center for Health and Wellness said she would talk about condoms all day if it meant students would practice safer sex. The workshop, she said would help students see the educational and fun aspects of masturbation and sex.

“The workshop is about how there are a million and one ways to pleasure yourself without a partner and how it’s the safest way,” she said. “It’s about being safe and experimental at the same time.”

By the end of the night, Andelloux asked the audience what were three things learned from the workshop. The cumulative response: Before you buy lube, taste it, exercise your vagina every day and pee before and after you play.

Heavens above, sex and love: Q & A with sexologist

As a part of Condom Awareness Week 2009, Sexologist Megan Andelloux spurted her knowledge to a group of eager-eyed Emersonians on topics most would blush to bring up. The following are some of the questions asked anonymously during Monday, April 13th’s sex toy workshop in the Bill Bordy Theater.

What is the best way to give a hand job?

“Approach it as a genital massage. All those things that they didn’t want to be called in high school-that’s what they want to be called now. Bring them up to a certain point and then bring them back down. Whatever body part you are touching, you are there to tease and to tantalize him.”

Is it normal for a vagina to close up before sex?

“If someone is nervous for whatever reason, their vagina goes into lock-down mode-nothing’s coming in here without a fight. This usually happens more at the gynecologist’s office than before sex play. But it won’t become a steel trap door, it’s just going to get more difficult to put things in there. But there are physical indicators as to whether the vagina is ready for physical penetration. The inner lips will open up-open for business or closed for business.”

I’m gay and haven’t had good sex yet. What should I do?

“Stop reading magazines, because they are designed to make you feel bad about the types of sex that you’re having. Good sex should be fun. Sex is play-time for adults. It’s not that you need to have orgasms every time or about keeping up with the Jones’s. These are the things we hear a lot, but sex should be playful-you should be laughing. Awkward things happen during sex and you have to embrace it because it makes amazing stories a few weeks down the road.”

How many times a day can you orgasm without hurting yourself?

“As long as we aren’t hearing any physical damage like popping things or chafing, I say go for it. It has been proven that orgasms decrease mild depression, it gets rid of headaches, gets rid of menstral cramps so fuck Midol, just cum. But my favorite thing about orgasms is that if you have a cut on your body, they help speed the healing process up.”

What do you do when you and your partner are having bad sex?

“If you aren’t having good sex talk about it in a non-serious format like at the supermarket. There are lots of fun distractions-the freezer aisle is perfect for when you are breaking out in hives, you can easily pop your head in the freezer to stop looking at your partner and pretend you are looking at how the fishsticks are on sale. Everyone around you is bored-they aren’t listening, but if they are, you are giving them a good excuse to be at the supermarket.”

Is it normal to have a burning sensation when you pee for one to three days after sex?

“Nope. This is not normal. You should really go see a physician to find out what’s going on down there.”