Question: Is it possible to pee when you orgasm. I know it's not for a man but is it for a woman? When I have had an orgasm I have released a fair amount of fluid but I'm not sure if it was pee or not. I'm someone that enjoys clitoral stimulation much more that penetration so when I use my vibrator I'm worried that it's making me have to pee. This happens even when I've peed before masturbating but does not happen every time I orgasm. Am I peeing and is there anything I can do?
Answer: This is a great question that many women wonder about actually. Am I peeing or what? You could be peeing, biologically born females can urinate while sexually aroused, which is usually not possible in biologically born males. You could also be ejaculating, which due to lack of education, many people don't know about. So I would recommend doing some detective work. Get a towel and lay it down underneath you the next few times you masturbate. After you are through, if you feel like a fluid came out of you, smell it. (If you do this in private, no one is going to know you smelled it. It's not like you are going to have a sign on your forehead that says, I just smelled the juices that came out of me.) Does it smell like pee? If it does, you peed. If it doesn't, but has a slightly sweet smell to it, you most likely ejaculated. Some women can ejaculate, and for those who do, some do it during orgasm and some do it before an orgasm or after. That's the fun thing about ejaculations, they can happen at anytime!
Either way, the big question to be asking yourself is: Are you enjoying yourself? If you are, then who cares if it's pee or ejaculate or lubrication. If you are simply curious for Nancy Drew reasons, than investigate away. If you are curious because you are going to assign some meaning behind the fluid (or someone else is) than why ruin a good thing and find out? Pleasure is pleasure and sex (whether it be by yourself or with someone else) is usually messy and def. involves bodily fluids. Our society assigns which ones are good and which ones should make us nervous right now. Thanks for asking and hope this was helpful! Megan Andelloux
Question: Do you have any suggestions for re-kindling a long-dormant sexual relationship?
Answer: I have lots of suggestions, but lots of questions too! Why has it been long-dormant? Stress? Fight? Low sex drive? Aging? Chemo?
All of these questions will point me to a different answer. It wouldn't be very helpful for me to give you some ideas without a little background. So help this sex educator out and throw me a little more info. Hope to hear back from you! Megan
Question: Hi, I saw you at Brown and you were great. I have been having sex regularly for the past 2 and a half years. Although I am comfortable with sex and have tried many different positions I only ever have orgasms when I am riding "cowgirl" style. I can also have orgasms with my vibrator. Do you know why this is and if there something that I can do so that I will have orgasms in other positions or during foreplay? Thanks!
Answer: Ok, so let me get this straight....You are having orgasms, with your partner and with a vibrator? Lucky Lucky girl!!!!!!! I think this is happening because your clitoris is getting direct stimulation in ways that it likes (like vibration and grinding into your partner while on top).
Do you notice I'm saying how great this is? Because it is. Just because you aren't having orgasms with your legs wide open (which is more difficult for most women to climax) or with your partner on top of you (which only about 20-30% of women can come that way) 69 (fun to do, hard to come) doesn't mean there is something wrong with you.
I know, I know, the magazines, video's, porn, friends all tell you about these amazing orgasms you can have if you do X and you wonder why it's not happening for your body. Probably for the same reason that you look different from your friends, our sexual responses, on some level, or born with us and just like I can't make myself 5'8 no matter how hard I try (I'm 5'3) you might not be able to come in "that way," because IT'S NOT HOW YOUR BODY CAN REACH ORGASM. And that's ok! Although, you could try wearing a vibrator during partner play (like the We vibe), it allows your partner to go inside of you as you've got vibration on your clit and g-spot. Yay!
So that is my response with the penetrative sex part. In terms of foreplay, you might not be coming because you aren't getting the right stimulation, you might not be directing your partner how to touch you in ways that work for your genitals, you might be uncomfy with your genitals and therefore hold back, which reduces your ability to come. Any of those things can be changed by communicating with your partner of what works or learning to love your vulva. Sounds hooky, but really becoming best friends with your friendly vag can do you a world of good.
Enjoy what you have, practice for the heck of it to see if other things work out, and stop comparing yourself to others. It doesn't do a stitch of good and it sounds like when you are playing, you're having fun, which is the most important part!
Thanks for the kind words and I'm glad you came to see me speak, I love Brown! Happy Playing! Megan
Question: Hi. This will be short. My boyfriend and I had play sex. We were wearing our underwear but then we noticed that I was wet inside and I didn't knew if the sperm went through my underwear from his. Is there a possibility to get pregnant?
Answer: Hi Tempting Angel- Your short email will have a short response! Yay for time saving moments!
I'm assuming since you said you were both wearing underwear, you were dry humping. What a fun way to engage in playtime, good for you!
And just like dry humping is good for you, so is the vagina getting wet. Why? Well, it naturally gets wet when your body feels turned on, or at certain times of the month. So it doesn't mean that there was any sperm in there, unless he came in your hand and you put it in your vagina. Or he had his penis in your vag. But if he had his penis in your vagina, then I would be giving you a very different answer.
So here's the deal, If a guy ejaculates in his pants/underwear/whatever, and then rubs up against you, and you have underwear on, its pretty darn hard for those swimmers (sperm) to get through all those barriers (underwear, another set of underwear, try to end up at the vaginal opening, etc). So, short answer, you are probably not pregnant. Especially if he didn't put his penis in you. Hope this was helpful. Happy frolicking! Megan
Question: Why do you think people have a foot fetish? My boyfriend likes my feet! This is new for me! How do you stand it?
Answer: Well, that’s a funny way to end the question, I’m usually not standing it when I’m having my feet appreciated. So this is the deal, some people get turned on by small breasts, some people like large hands, other people like lips…you get the idea, the list goes on and on. In America, we have been groomed into what is appropriate and “normal” to like. Breasts for example. Our culture in particular enjoys really large boobies and so those that have them get the looks in the airport and those that don’t sometimes obsess about the fact that they don’t have what Mary Jane next door does. But when someone tells us that they like breasts, we don’t bat an eye, cause it’s normal.
Your boyfriend likes feet and lucky for you, he likes YOUR feet. Heaps of men AND women do, think about how many girls love a good shoe! So, this is a new situation for you and that’s why it feels weird. BECAUSE IT’S NEW. You haven’t been exposed to it and with many things that are new to us, it creates this weird feeling inside of us, a sort of uncomfortable feeling. Many times I equate this “uncomfortable” feeling to the way we felt when we held a pencil for the first time as children. It felt weird, different, uncomfortable, but now, it’s pretty much second nature to us, because we become used to it.
So you have a choice, you can choose to say, I’m going to see where this can go…this foot thing he has. You may find out that you really like your feet being played with, massaged, appreciated. You may find out he will give you pedicures (for fun!) and will thoroughly enjoy going shoe shopping with you. You may find out that it creates a sexual feeling in you, seeing your boy so happy while he is playing with your feet. You may also find out that it DOESN’T turn you on, but you appreciate a good foot rub.
Or you can say, this is too weird for me and I don’t want to try it out. Any of it. I certainly hope you don’t pick this option, at least without “dipping your toe in the water” first. Sex is all about playtime for adults and trying out new things. You may find out you don’t like it and that’s ok, because you gave it a try. But try some things out, and if something works, give the dog a bone, and if you find out you really don’t like something, tell him it’s off limits.
My favorite part of this question however is the fact that your boyfriend told you he likes your feet. It takes a lot of courage for people to tell others what turns them on, let alone what turns them on outside of society’s standards. So give that boy a hug, thank him for trusting you, and see where the night takes you. Prop your feet up on his lap, dangle your slippers off your toe at him and request a foot rub during a movie. If you are a good girl, he may just return the favor when you decide to tell him what gets your kitty purring!
Toe Wiggles! Megan
Question: If I have sex with the same person more than once (in one night) AM I A SLUT?
Answer: Only if you want to be. Seriously, what is a slut? Think about it. Come up with a definition. Bet you came up with something like a woman who has sex a lot. Or maybe your answer was a girl who has sex with a bunch of different people. Ok. What is “a lot?” When or rather, what number constitutes “a bunch?” Did you come up with an answer? Good. Now go ask your friends and parents what their answer would be. Yes, I’m serious. Go ask people and read the rest of this answer afterwards.
Good, so you are back. You have a bunch of different numbers right? Everyone gave you a different number of when a woman becomes a slut. That’s because there is NO RIGHT ANSWER. This whole notion of “sluthood” is designed to stop women from being sexual, for fear of the “slut” status. If there is no set standard, any woman at any time can be labeled as a slut.
So take the word back. Claim it. Rejoice in the word. SLUT. I am a SLUT. If you own the word, you don’t have to be afraid of being called one. A slut is a woman who enjoys being sexual. I want you to enjoy being sexual, that’s one of the reasons we get to enjoy sexual feelings!
I highly encourage you to read the book CUNT by Inga Muscio. It is one of my favorite books that is completely empowering and challenging and talks about this topic. Pick it up, read it on the train, with the cover fully exposed. It will put you one step closer towards taking the power of that word back.
Megan
Question: Is it normal to make large puddles during sex? It’s really embaressing when I have to use towels underneath?
Answer: It seems like it’s normal for you, and that is ALL that matters. Really. What is most likely happening when you play is that you’re ejaculating. Lucky you! Lots of women are trying to do this, and try as they might, it’s not something that happens easily for them.
Squirting is all the rage right now, with more than 50 genres of this fun bodily fluid, so we know that people like it. And it sounds like you are already prepared with your towels under you.
So revel in those hot bodily fluids that are coming out of you when you are romping around! And just so you know, puppy training pads are amazing for catching your golden nectar.
Happy Playing! Megan
Question: What is the best method for stimulating the prostate gland when alone?
Answer: The are many ways to stimulate the prostate during alone time, but probably the easiest would involve using a prostate stimulation toy. This would be a toy that would be safe to place in the anus (meaning it has a stopper on it, so that it can't get sucked up the butt, I included a picture of it so you understand what I'm talking about) that has a curve to it so that it will stimulate the prostate gland. In order to stimulate the prostate, the curved portion should be placed in your bottom, with the curvature heading in the direction of your tummy. You may masturbate while the toy is in you to get a stronger, more intense orgasm.
Some prostate owners enjoy a vibration, while others do not. Of course, purchasing a toy that has a vibration option gives you more bang for the buck (so to speak) as you can choose when and if you want that option. The body responds really well to vibration.
And, you'll have to decide what type of material you like going in the bum. Hard or soft, life like feeling or firm? Of course use a material that is non porous if you are going to be sharing it (like silicone or stainless steel) Or always use a condom over it to prevent bacteria from absorbing into the toy material.
The toy above has a flange (or a stopper) on the bottom of it. It is the widest portion of the toy. All toys that are shorter than 6 inches should have a flange/stopper on it. Every year thousands of people make poor anal choices and end up in the emergency room because a toy got lodged in their butt. Be good to your butt (and your pride) and always make sure a flange is on your toy before you put it up your tushy.
The Toys pictured below are all extremely recommended prostate toys. There are many options out there because there are so many different types of ways that the prostate can be stimulated and ways for people to enjoy it. No one toy is best for all, so practice makes perfect!
NJoy Pure Wand Non-Vibrating, Stainless Steel
Aneros, Medical Grade Plastic, Non-Vibrating
"Bob" from Lelo, Silicone, Non-Vibrating
Pro-Touch, Silicone, Vibration Option
Happy Playing! Megan Andelloux
Question: Hi, I saw you when you came to give a presentation at Brown and loved it! I seem to have a small problem though. My girlfriend is on birth control and she never wants to have sex anymore. is there anything I can do to increase her libido or a different pill that she could use?
Answer: Hey, thanks for coming to the presentation! So, your girl is on birth control, but she doesn't have a sex drive anymore. Go figure. I wrote an article online about this problem a few years ago for the anniversary of the Pill's creation. Seems that is a side effect that some women experience but health officals are hesitant to talk about because, well, it could deter a person from using the item.
Patient: "Doctor, I'd like to not get pregnant when I have sex."
Physician: Well, you could take the Pill, but it might kill your sex drive.
Patient" "Ooohhhh..."
Now, the Pill does not kill or lower EVERY woman's sex drive and not every woman who takes the Pill takes it for sexual reasons, so for some, lowering her sex drive could make her happy. And, not getting pregnant could make her very, very happy. The key point here is not that the Pill is bad, but rather that a woman should be able to make informed choices about her reproductive and sexual health.
So, what's a girl and her lover to do? There are some options. She could choose to chance it and if her sex drive decreases, get off of that birth control pill and try another (although they all kinda have that side effect, some less than others though).
She could try another type of birth control, be it hormonal or non-hormonal. Truth be told, a lot of the hormonal methods out are much newer than the pill and it took 40 years before they came out publically and told us that the pill decreases the sex drive in some women. So, I don't know what is going to come out 40 years down the road for the other hormonal methods.
She could schedule sex dates with you. Kind of a way to kick start her sex drive into gear. Just because she isn't having a non induced physical desire to be sexual doesn't mean she can't create that desire with you. And people who are sexual tend to WANT to be sexual more. A win-win!
Those are the choices currently available for you and your girl. I think that it's great that the two of you have identified the cultprit and that you are communicating about what to do about it. Communication is key to a happy sex life.
Good luck and thanks for writing! Megan Andelloux
