Wesleyan University Asks “Anal Hurts: How Can I Enjoy It?”

Comments

1. Summer says:
   September 9, 2011 at 8:37 pm

   I was with someone that was a virgin when we met so we & we explored the world of sex together as I hadn’t done much with anyone else. When we first tried anal we used lube but it hurt SO badly that I accidentally kicked him off & he said he didn’t want to try anal again cause it didn’t feel right to him & it did hurt me(good guy) then we got married & during his 1st 6 month cruise he asked me to try anal again & he was very excited to try & my hesitation he didn’t understand. I tried doing what you said as far as trying to insert something small first & used lube & it upset me. When my hubby came back from his deployment he ended up forcing it on me without any warning & it upset me & put me mentally in another place, once he saw my face & heard he hyperventilating he stopped & ran out (BTW consensual anal sex is illegal in the military). My parents came to my room & I was so far gone they had to have management let them in & they found me out of it where my hubby left me. That happened I believe cause I was raped & sodomized as a child & have permanent damage to my anal region that my hubby didn’t know about cause the memory had been repressed & came back when I was delivering my own baby at 6 months & every contraction brought more & more of the memory back & I didn’t want to say anything until we could sit down & talk about the memory & the details about my daughter. I have been raped analy since then & think that anal sex isn’t ever going to be possible for me. My BFF knows my history & didn’t think I should ever try this. Would you draw the same conclusion?
2. Megan says:
   September 10, 2011 at 8:18 am

   Hi there, thanks for writing.
   It reads as though you have experienced numerous traumatic experiences. I’m so sorry to read that. From a quick assessment, I would agree, I don’t think that at this time, anal, or really any penetrative sex, would be healthy for you because you state that you haven’t really dealt with the rapes and are experiencing flashbacks and dissociation. Therefor, before you become sexual with any other person, I would highly recommend you find a therapist to start to talk about how the trauma is effecting you. You might be experiencing pain because you were a. raped b. didn’t want to engage in the behavior c. they didn’t safely engage in the sex you two were having when it was consensual d. your body has not recovered from the past hurt or e. you don’t like it.
   Whichever reason it may be, I do not think that having anal sex would be healthy for you at this point. Maybe down the road, when you have processed through things AND have desire to engage in anal, maybe then would I say, try again, but at this point I strongly suggest you stay away from any penetrative sex. I want you to be healthy and happy. Please look for a therapist who is well versed in past sexual trauma. I wish you well.
   Megan
3. Summer says:
   September 11, 2011 at 4:13 pm

   Thank you SO much, my mom thought anal & oral were sins so I was never able to talk about this kind of stuff & I appreciate your site cause I can ask anything & I don’t have to feel ashamed! And I feel that the advice is 200% safe health wise & feel like you actually care so for all the women like me THANK YOU!!!!! You are like having a very educated big sister & since I had to explain sex to my 5 yr older than me sister thank you for being like a surrogate older sis! Again THANK YOU!!!

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