Sex Talk Revolution?
Published: Thursday, October 14, 2010
Updated: Thursday, October 14, 2010 06:10
Sex is BIG. It’s big, and it’s everywhere. The media is saturated with sex. It floods the forums on the website College ACB at Tufts, the cast members of “ Jersey Shore” have an entire room dedicated to “smushing,” and on−camera teen moms juggle jobs, schoolwork and screaming babies in the background (a big slap−in−the−face reminder to use protection). It’s on our minds constantly: Girls think about it all the time (…right?), and guys definitely do (if I’m ever questioning this, I simply tune in to the constant conversations of my two male roommates talking about the “bangable” girls they see at the gym). Apparently we Tufts students are so sexually charged that the administration had to lay down the law with some dorm room policies last year. If you’ve resorted to the sketchy scenario of sex a few feet away from a “sleeping” roommate, dear God, read on, and hopefully you’ve been able to think of some creative solutions since then. Even if you’re not actively doing the deed — because of misfortune or personal choice — don’t skip ahead to the Sudoku puzzle just yet. Let’s be honest, reading this is probably a lot more fun than Sudoku.
Sex is all over the place, but ironically, this extremely “out there” topic can cause a lot of people to close up in conversation. Unless I’m lounging around with a couple of close friends, a few drinks in, I’ll admit that sex can feel like a bit of a taboo topic.
Thankfully, I have a pretty open relationship with my roommates. If I ever need to figure out the dos and don’ts of sexual relationships with guys, I can generate some laughingly awkward conversation and get all my questions answered right away. But not all of us can (or want to) be this lucky with housemates. So I propose a sex talk revolution of sorts. I’m tired of trying to turn to Cosmopolitan for sex advice: I don’t want to know 50 great things to do with my breasts. I propose real conversation. Be talkative in the classroom (if the course is appropriate for that), and most importantly, be talkative in the bedroom. Even if you’re drunkenly wobbling back to Wren Hall with a potential hook−up in tow, attempt some real talk. Communicating your desires and asserting what you want will likely lead to an even better sexual experience than will a somewhat silent, awkward encounter, perforated by the creaking of the dorm bed and a few of those weird, uncomfortable noises.
In the interest of full disclosure and of this proposed sex talk revolution, I want to take this space to talk about the female orgasm. Of course, there are plenty more topics I could approach, but I feel as if women have been socialized to believe their sexual needs and desires are less important than those of their partners. Often there seems to be a bit of a sexual double standard. Women are expected to please their partner, with little expectation of reciprocation. Or, when a guy orgasms, sex is over. Maybe I’ve been getting with the wrong guys, but there’s nothing more frustrating. Now, my attempt to debunk some orgasm myths: Myth: Female orgasms are always these huge earth−shattering events, a la the diner scene in “When Harry Met Sally.” Fact: You do not need to have what she was having. Some women have orgasms and don’t even know it. This “peak of arousal” can feel differently for every woman and can occur in different ways. Myth: If you’re not having an orgasm through intercourse, you’re probably not normal. Fact: Nah! Many women claim to not be able to have an orgasm through penetration alone. In general, many women need direct stimulation of the clitoris to reach climax. The act of penetration sometimes leaves a woman’s clitoris entirely neglected. That’s no fun. Myth: It takes women a crazy−long time to reach orgasm. Fact: The duration of time between the prime point of arousal and the actual orgasm is about the same for women and men. The thing is, it takes women longer to reach this peak of arousal. Let’s stop making foreplay a “thing” and just have it be an actual part of the “play,” not an added−on special. One of my ex−boyfriends made it his personal quest to get me to orgasm, like it was a puzzle he was trying to crack. It pretty much killed it for me. That’s a no−no.
If you can’t make yourself orgasm, it doesn’t mean you just can’t — unless you have a medical condition, which is not very common. It’s different for everyone, so it might take some time figuring out what works for you.
Receiving pleasure is pretty good, but remember, you’re not the only one in the bed (or closet or laundry room or shower). Sex shouldn’t be selfish — unless your sexual kinks denote otherwise — but even so, everyone involved in the sex act should be cool with what’s going on. After all, it takes two (or three or four) to tango.
After imparting all this perhaps too personal advice, I can’t help but make a shameless plug. Tufts VOX is hosting an event with sexologist Megan Andelloux today at 51 Winthrop Ave. called “Oh Ohh OH: Sexual Pleasure with OhMegan.” In this fun, interactive workshop, she’ll explore Cosmo’s promises of sexual satisfaction, finger fun, G−spot play, the female orgasm and much more. Most importantly, Megan will make that awkward conversation a little easier so that sex is safe and fun for everyone involved. You’ll also leave with tons of free sexual goodies in hand for a fun Thursday night. Are you gonna come?
